She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
