Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
