Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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