I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
