ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
