this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize