So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
