ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
