she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
