4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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