Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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