In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
third nipple confirmed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
