some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
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