this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
