I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
