So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
