all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
