Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
