Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
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and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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