how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
