I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
