Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
