How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
