True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
