Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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