I think my fart just growled at me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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