My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
