Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
