the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
