What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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