So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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