I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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