why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
