My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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