Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
