You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
