Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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