listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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