Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
