Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
