There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
