I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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