Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
