i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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