Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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