why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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