Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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