Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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