At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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