Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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