I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
