I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
