I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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