you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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