He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize