I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
whose parrot is this?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
