I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
