Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
