her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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