I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
