I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
