well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
