no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
