I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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