found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
