when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
