you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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