That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
