at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
