if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
