They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
