Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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