My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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