I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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