the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
